I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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