After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
