I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
This baby is an asshole
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Randomize
