i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
