i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Randomize
