is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
