I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
