you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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