the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
