yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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