So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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