I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
