So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
