turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
