What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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