why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
did i just pee glitter
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
