While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
