HIV tests are more positive than that guy
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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