why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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