Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
