well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
