why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Just invented taco cereal.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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