I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
