I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Randomize
