New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
