Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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