I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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