I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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