Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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