i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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