I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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