I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
