I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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