i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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