please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just had sex on a roof
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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