What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
