i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Everclear isn't food dammit
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
