he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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