My room smells like vodka and shame
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
