Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
