So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
