2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just had sex on a roof
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
