fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
What drink are we having for lunch?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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