just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
