the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
