whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
