I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Church boner. Awkwardddd
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize