i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
