I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
then he tried to convert me to islam
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize