Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
