I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
