You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
