dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
