YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I think I have vodka in my lungs
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
