at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
