Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
