i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
