How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
