Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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