shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
