Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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