If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
