How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
