After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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