I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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