Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Found your dick twin last night
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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