OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
