i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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