i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
