so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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