I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm at about main and main street
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
