guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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