Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
