mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
