We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
