worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
