I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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