D3 body, D1 cock
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Dear god my vagina.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
