quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
