had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
