Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
