She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I think my vagina is haunted
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Randomize
